From Darkness to Light – loosing my mom

I have been off the map for a little while now, so much has happened.
The most life-changing of those would be my mom’s death, which took place November 23, 2011 at 12:05PM, the day before Thanksgiving.
She died at the age of 54 from very aggressive breast cancer that metastasized all over her body (to put it short), only 5 days after I made it back to Arkansas to see her.  The finality of her death brought an unexpected peace to us all since we had spent day-after-day uncertain of what each day would bring, but that was only momentary.

Mom and us

The weeks following loosing my mom brought clarity to what was now and what was then and her being gone for the rest of our lives set in at different times for each of us.  And to my shame, I didn’t draw close my Lord Jesus Christ as it hit me since our relationship had been fragmented by many distractions.
It’s hard to explain, to put into words what I felt, what I went through, and I’m not even sure if it’s possible.  But through an art used by my family, for at least a few generations, known as poetry, I’ve written a poem I’ll call “From Darkness to Light” in which I’ve depicted my journey the best I can.
Instead of hiding it from everyone but a few very close to me, I continue to live transparently, as ugly as that may be at times, so that hopefully you will have a better understanding and glimpse of just how incredible God truly is and the mighty power of Jesus’ great name.

 

From Darkness to Light

Death finally claimed her short-lived life,
mortally wounded, ending of strife.
Sun, warmth, and peace as uncertainty vanished,
shortly here and so quickly banished.
Darkness rolled in and disappeared the light,
away I was carried, too hurt to fight.

Reminded heavily of our inescapable fate,
the door crept shut, an impenetrable gate.
Feeling isolated, my family now broken,
Where were my friends, or so they had spoken?
I served, I loved, I shared in their pain,
now left wondering, “Was all in vain?”
No one understands, nor can possibly relate,
looming hooks of anger, tempting as bait.

Salt thrown into gashes running deep,
the only relief found after crying to sleep.
How did I get here, so desolate, so alone?
Little relief found in calling on the phone.
I heard His voice calling my name,
“Precious child, I still love you the same.”

“Where have you been since we cried last?”
“Just let it go, it’s in the past.”
“I’ve been waiting here, waiting on you,
waiting to restore you and make anew.”
“I know it hurts, cause it hurts Me too,
to see the pain your holding onto.”
As I looked up into His beautiful eyes,
His mercy and grace filled the skies.

As He lifted me to my feet,
“death I’ve conquered, pain has defeat”.
Reminded of what I had left behind,
how could I be so stupid, so dumb, and oh so blind?
It really mattered not as He had already forgot,
only seeing me as when with His blood I was bought.

A love once lost, yet now restored,
I sincerely rejoice in the glory of our Lord.
He healed her not, even though He is able,
but I’ll see her again at our Lord’s reunion table.
Although her memory will trigger a pain,
it is quickly healed by His great name.
Fixing my eyes on Jesus and the cross,
all will be restored and nothing a loss.
This is the promise we all have in Christ,
freely given, so perfectly priced.

by David Miles     1/10/2012

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